gnaw

"No! You missed it because you were gnawing on your roommate." ~ Heidi Ho

humanity?

Injustice…truth about humans…superficiality…
Depressing…They have to be human. They have to be the ones who save everyone. They have to be the ones who tell everyone what is right and what to do. Really, though, they are the ones who are destroying our very humanity. By letting us run rampant they are letting us exploit our rights and so then we learn to take for granted our blessings in life. Running water, electricity, a bed to sleep on, blankets to sleep under, our families around us to comfort us…these are what they give us and we take them for granted. We have them every day, all the time, and we cannot conceive of a time and place of not having cold, clean water to drink whenever we want. This is what makes them so inhuman. This is what makes them the scary, dark, unfathomable monster that we cannot figure out. But really, we are a part of that monster. We are the ones who contribute to the reality that it has become. We demand our rights and privileges when they really aren’t our privileges at all. They are gifts bestowed on us by God. He has allowed our country to prosper and have we thanked Him enough? Of course not…but that doesn’t mean that we can go around and feel sorry for “those poor starving Africans” while we turn right around and sleep in our soft mattress in a secure home.

what is it?

How can you find someone to talk to? Someone who you can tell stuff to and they know what you are thinking. What is a quirk? I guess one is that I can't stand it when people show off. I have never been able to do it so I guess that is what bothers me most about people. They are always trying to get in the spotlight. Trying to impress a teacher or show people that they can do something better than anyone else. I hate it when two people get into a competition about who has done the better thing and who has done the most impressive thing. Or maybe the competition is in me. I have a problem with jealousy. I envy everyone I see and I need to stop doing that. God has blessed me so much and all I can do is look around me and see what I don't have. I imagine people are trying to show off when they are really doing what they do. They are not purposely doing it. I just see that they do it very well and get envious and then think that they have the wrong motives in their heart. It is really my heart that is screwed up. I really need to get away from people. I just end up disappointing them or hurting them. I want what they have and then blame them if I don't have it.

I always embarrass myself. I cannot think of a time when I wasn't doing something stupid or other. I have to say the wrong thing at precisely the wrong moment. I don't have very much insight into situations. All I ever do anymore is complain, complain, complain. I must bug people nuts when they are around me. I used to be so good at hiding it when I was younger.

Who can you talk to? No one. I don't know what I would do without God. Probably kill myself if I could find a way. How can He make me into anything? But He is God and He can do anything so I need to shut up and
listen to what he has to say.

No hiding from...she walked up the stairs and down the hallway feeling a hollowness in her stomach and a lump of tears rising in her throat. She unlocked the door and flipped on the light as her head started to
pound. Why do I have to act like this? she accused. I am so dumb. I bring cursing down on everyone around me. Tears streamed down her face as the pounding turned to a throb. No lies now...I have to tell the truth.
Because the truth is supposed to set you free right?

a ripple effect

Today is Anna's birthday. It is negative two degrees and snowing. I think it was a nice surprise for her to have snow on her birthday. Coming from Texas this has never happened to her before. There are beautiful medium flakes gently falling down. This is the best kind of snow with the exception of when the flakes get to be about the size of a quarter.

Falling snow somehow seems to make things go better. It muffles the sounds of the working world and sprinkles a white sheet to cover up everything and everything is white. If people have never seen snow before but have been in a plane I tell them that when your plane is above a thick bank of clouds and you can look out over them and all you see is white clouds to the edge of your vision....I tell them this is what snow looks like in Nebraska. Whiteness as far as the eye can see. Literally if you want to be able to find your way around in the hills around my house you have to be able to tell where north is and recognize the shape of the surrounding land. There's just nobody and I love it. The snow seems to emphasize that because when you walk out in falling snow anywhere you feel isolated and in your own little world. When all your surrounded by is snowy hills and an occasional fence or two this impression gets pounded into your head.

We're supposed to get several more inches tonight. At least the wind is minimal to nothing. Windchill up here is awful and can get to the -30s and lower. Oh and just a fun trivia for anyone: in Alabama, dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

just goes to sh...

just goes to show how fast the liar can work..or maybe that's me...

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his
face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away
in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake
me,
the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my
foes,
for false witnesses rise up against
me,
breathing out violence.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

The LORD is my light and my
salvation-
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my
life-
of whom shall I be afraid?